everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
