We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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