no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Say something about gay babies.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
