i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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