8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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