When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
