I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
