So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
