u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
