If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
