I feel like abortions should bother me more
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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