you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
