Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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