you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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