so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
