You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
