I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
