Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
