do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
