i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
