I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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