I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Enjoy the penises
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
