I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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