Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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