ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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