Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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