Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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