The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
