JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
