he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
