Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
