New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
