he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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