Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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