new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
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