Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Your cock deserves a montage
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
