Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
