My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
no you cant smoke seaweed
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
