he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Ladies don't puke and tell
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
