im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
