Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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