i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
