I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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