Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
it hurts more in the daytime
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Holy sore nipples Batman
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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