Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
