Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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