I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
