Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
