shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
