3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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